In the Book of Life are woman listed
by their married or maiden name?
I bought a boat because it was for sail.
My new girlfriend works at the zoo.
I think she is a keeper.
I think she is a keeper.
French fries were not made in France.
They were made in Greece.
They were made in Greece.
I was once asked on a medical form:
Did your Mother have any children?
Daddy jokes belong in a database.
Don't worry, more jokes will be coming soon.
But that is what I am worried about.
But that is what I am worried about.
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These can be repeated without reference. They are not all mine. If you have some for this page written me NHBDevotions@gmail.com.
Why did the bank teller push on the lady?
He wanted her balance checked.
I used to hate my facial hair,
But then it grew on me.
What did the math teacher
say to the principal?
"I have got so many problems."
Why do bald men keep combs?
Because they cannot part with them.
My boss asked me to attach two
pieces of wood together.
I nailed it.
I hate funerals when they are at 9 AM.
I am not a mourning person.
What do young astronauts like to read?
Comet books
Why did Mickey Mouse go to Space?
To find Pluto.
We no longer believe in
our atoms because they
make up everything.
our atoms because they
make up everything.
What did the shepherds bring Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus to eat?
Shepherd’s Pie.
Shepherd’s Pie.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Did you hear NASA found another plant? It’s out of this world.
Ex-cons make good cocktails
because they had spent
a lot of time behind bars.
A teacher asked, "What letter comes after the letter X?"
The boy replied, "Why?"
A coworker asked if I had a ruler.
I replied "Yes, but she is at home."
I replied "Yes, but she is at home."
How do billboards talk? They use sign language.
England does not have a kidney bank. But they have a liver pool.
Where is the hottest place in a room?
The corner because the walls are
90 degrees.
How many seconds are there in a year? January second, February second,
March second, April second, ....
The answer is 12.
Soon calendars will
be obsolete
because their days
are numbered.
be obsolete
because their days
are numbered.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Broken guitar for sale.
No strings attached.
No strings attached.
"Don’t look, I am going to change."
What part of the keyboard do
astronaut’s use a lot?
The space bar.
A golf ball is a
golf ball no matter
how you putt it.
golf ball no matter
how you putt it.
Funeral Homes are a dying business.
A detective had to be rushed to the ER.
He had accidentally poked his private eye.
He had accidentally poked his private eye.
What bird needs a wig?
Bale eagle.
What kind of tree fits in
your hand? A Palm tree.
My dog is not fat.
He is just a little husky.
The Grim Reaper was fired from the shoe store because he stole soles.
Music stores like to
hire ex-convicts because
they have records.
Music stores do not like to
hire olympicans because
they break records.
Daddy, how far do you
have to run to win in the
human race?
Do runners eat before a run? No, they fast.
What kind of music
do balloons hate?
Pop music
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad
Having a single
penny does
not make senses.
Being a vegetarian could
be one big missed steak.
What kind of lights did
Noah use on the ark?
Flood lights.
Why do dragons sleep a lot during the day? Because they must fight knights.
What did one plate say
to another?
Lunch is on me.
After the first 24 hours of creation, God got tired and called it a day.
When is there more than
three feet in a yard?
When two people
are standing in it.
I have a lot of unemployment jokes
but none of them worked.
Is a tourist trap is
something they
use to catch turtles?
After finishing a book on glue,
I could not put I down.
Where should you
never take your dog?
To a flea market.
What is the staple of
a healthy fish diet?
Plenty of vitamin sea.
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
Where do milkshakes
come from?
Nervous cows.
How do you reach out to an old fish?
You just drop them a line.
A baseball player was a poor sport.
He stole third base and ran home.
When is a football player like a judge?
When he sits on the bench.
Why did the center walk of the field?
The quarterback told him to hike.
Basketball players are now required to wear bibs?
Because they are always dribbling.
Which travels faster, heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold.
What do you call Dracula with hay fever?
The Pollen Count.
When I saw my first strands of gray,
I thought I would dye.
The teacher asked:
What is 2 minus 2?
The student said nothing.
The singer could not get into
his home because he was
in the wrong key.
Where was the declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
The best present this year
is a broken drum.
You cannot beat that.
There is a fine line between
numerator and denominator.
4
+4
8
+4
8
The teacher only gave me
an A for my essay on
"What I Want To B."
The teacher could not see
to continue teaching
because of her failing pupils.
What do you call the relatives
of the person you divorced?
Out-laws
The Italian restaurant closed because their chef pasta-way.
What did the earthquake say when it caused damage?
It is all my fault.
I don’t like stairs because they
are always up to something.
I heard the anxious seamstress was on
pins and needles.
When you reach a plateau,
it is the highest form of lattery.
ttt
NEW HEART
BEAT DEVOTIONS
BEAT DEVOTIONS
NEW HEART
BEAT DEVOTIONS
BEAT DEVOTIONS