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But that is what I am worried about.
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One elevator asked the other
elevator, “What’s going up?”
The other replied
“You are going down.”
What do you say to a melting Popsicle?
“Stop laying around and
get on the stick.”
What does a pig and ink have in common? They are both in pens.
A hiker found an expensive watch on the trail. Then he saw the sign “WATCH OUT FOR BEAR.”
A man went bear hunting until he saw the sign: "BARE LEFT".
So he decide to go home.
How do you fix a broken monkey?
With a monkey wrench.
What did the fly say to the firefly?
You are really bright.
The invention of the light bulb was really a bright idea.
Knuckles Security wanted to get a foot in a door at the local body shop to protect their tow trucks, because one of them was found stolen on the road shoulder. They knew it could be hairy and they did not want to twist their arm or pull their leg. So they called an all hands meeting of the company body for a vote on how to get a head by becoming armed. They hoped that the eyes would have the vote, but according to the head count, no body had the guts to face an arms race. They suggested instead to trim the fat of the over head. The newspaper head lines said: "Too hard to stomach."
Why did the football coach go to the bank? He wanted to get his quarter back.
For Holy Week, you can get your Holy jeans at the
Salvation Army store.
A drug rehabilitation center had to put signs up in the parking lot: “Watch your speed”, on the lawn: “Please, keep off grass”, on the doorway: “Caution, if you are high” and in the restroom: “Don’t use pot”.
What did one cheese say to the other?
“You are really sharp.”
What did one seed say to the other?
“I hope you do not go to pot.”
Why did a large cruise liner add tennis courts to its deck? Because they wanted to be called a courtship.
Why did the boy eat the calendar?
He was hungry for some dates.
A hanger maker was losing money
so he was forced to hang it up.
A gym posted a sign,
“Come to us on week days
to help with your week ends.”
What kind of bagel flies?
How do you stop a charging elephant?
Take away his credit card.
What did the frogs say that were knee deep in mud?
Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he was not chicken.
Why did were all the math books sent to the principle's office?
Because they had nothing but problems.
What has lots of keys but everyone one has
A reporter has taking care of a sick sea lion.
His news head line read:
Press and Seal
Alcohol is not permitted on the Space Station so they had to get rid of all the keyboards with a
What do you call a female spy wired with a hidden microphone? A ladybug.
A man got a flat tire when he came upon a fork in the road. He fork lift it immediately but had to wait until he was 65 to retire.
A local church wanted to have more hand outs for visitors so they started
You may get sick, if you get
too close to an elevator operator who is coming
down with something.
What do janitors get in their Easter baskets?
Why did the Norwegian Navy put
large barcodes on their ships?
Because when the ships come to
port they can “Scan a navy them”.